LOVING TO LEAD & LEADING BY LOVE

In this month's blog, I’m connecting Love and Leadership. As I like to do, I’m going to start with a story.   

Years back, I organized an annual conference for up and coming federal public servants. It was a fun gig! Among the presenters at the conference was a senior public official who was on the verge of retirement. She presented highlights of her career to the young and very keen audience. Following her remarks, during the Q & A, my boss asked her a question, “...What about love in the workplace. Can you comment on that?" I don't remember the details of her response, but I recall being very struck by the question, mostly because of who asked it.  At the time, I could not say my boss was very "loving". I remember him saying to another staff one day, rather proudly, "Peter is the only one of my Directors I have not made cry yet!" and here he was asking her this question.

So, what about love in the workplace? When I think about love I first turn to author and philosopher C.S. Lewis. Yes, the same guy who wrote the Narnia children's books. Lewis was an English professor at Oxford and Cambridge and a well-known theologian.  In 1958, he gave a series of radio talks called "The Four Loves," which were then compiled into a book. In his book Lewis uses Greek words to describe his understanding of four kinds of love. First, he describes "storge," which is love based on affection, such as the love a parent has for their child. Secondly, Lewis describes "philia," which is the love of Friendship, often resulting from a common bond that two or more people share together. It’s like the friendship that Johanna and I share through our common enjoyment of running (check out our new photo from the Fall Classic!). Thirdly, there is that hottest of fires, "eros" or romantic love, which it seems we all start searching for as early as our teenage years.  It heats up quickly, but may just as easily be extinguished if not nurtured and cared for. Finally, Lewis talks about "agape", the unconditional love, which is completely unselfish, the one which loves the so-called unlovable, “the undeserving, the love which gives all and doesn't ask for anything in return”. 

I think it’s important we understand this small, yet powerful word that gets thrown around so often.  In my own life, I have felt all of these “loves”. I have been a parent, have great affection for my guide dog, or even just for my favourite worn out pair of jeans or running hat. I have had, and do have, great friends who I travel with along this journey called life and have had more than one partner who I have shared the deepest of romantic love relationships with. Finally, believe it or not, love is what we bring into our workplace everyday, or at least I hope we do.

In the Ted Talk based on his book,  "Why Leaders Eat Last"  Simon Sinek describes the two chemicals in the human body most responsible for successful leadership: 1. Serotonin, which gives us, and the members of our tribe, a feeling of great pride for a job well done, and 2. Oxytocin, the same chemical, which is released when someone gives us a hug. It’s the "love" response and the chemical that gives us a feeling that we are safe and connected. If leaders can generate that kind of feeling in the workplace where people belong, where they matter, and feel safe, our industries can do great things. It’s not just those who are "paid" to be in leadership positions who generate this feeling.  It’s all of us. This is why, Sinek says, that in the military, leaders eat last. Eating last is a tangible demonstration of a leader saying that they care enough for the people they are leading that they will sacrifice themselves to take what is left.

When Lewis started writing about love, his initial thoughts were to write about two kinds of love, but he quickly realized love is much more complicated than simply dividing it into two categories. From my experiences, we tend to not talk about love in our workplaces. We might say "I love my job," but we would have to have a very safe, long term and extremely informal relationship with a colleague to tell them we love them. This is something I have never done! However, we do express love at work quite regularly by going the extra mile, by occasionally staying late and by taking the time to sit with a colleague to hammer-out that troubling issue they’re working on. I don't know how C.S. Lewis would characterize this kind of love, based on in part, affection, friendship, and at times even unconditional support, but from what I understand, and based on my own experience, it is a huge ingredient to success in the workplace. It’s part of why people follow the leaders they follow. If they believe that their leader has their back, they’ll be loyal and they might even work harder. 

Finally, one last memorable quote from Lewis, “To love at all is to be vulnerable, love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make of keeping it intact…you must give your heart to no one not even an animal…lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket ...safe, dark, motionless, airless. It will change, it will not be broken it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” So profound. Something to definitely think about as we go on with our lives and connect with those we work alongside every day.